


emotions have an echo

by illicitaffair



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, M/M, Spoilers, and he loves them back, dexy is captain uwu, i had a lot of feelings about dex being captain okay, samwell mens hockey team loves dex, specifically a study into dex's relationship with love, the title for this in google docs was, which pretty much sums it up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illicitaffair/pseuds/illicitaffair
Summary: Dex had always struggled to express his feelings to those he cared about. He thinks back to the words Colette, his girlfriend Freshman year of High School had thrown at him towards the end of their relationship. Her words were laced with malicious intent, meant to hurt him, but they were true nonetheless.You aren’t going to let me, or anyone else get close to you, really close, are you? You’re too busy being afraid.Dex was solitary, always had been.Well, until he attended Samwell that is.aka: dex is captain and i have feelings.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 17
Kudos: 151





	emotions have an echo

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a short (500 words max) fic to remind me that writing is supposed to be fun, and cater to me and only me. somehow it tripled (?) and i actually had fun writing it, which hasn't happened in a while. enjoy, and please let me know what you think <3
> 
> title taken from crazy by gnarls. i suggest listening to the glass animals cover, it's heavenly!

It hits him so hard and fast that Dex almost doubles over. His grip on the plaque in his hands hardens as the words William J Poindexter stare up at him in a bold white font, and Dex _knows._

The relationship between Dex and love is _complicated_ , to say the least. He had his family: his Momma and Pops, his siblings and their partners, and in Cynthia’s case, children. But they were his blood, tied together by familial bonds that Dex knew he took for granted. 

Other types of love were much, much harder to express. He thinks back to the words Colette, his girlfriend Freshman year of High School had thrown at him towards the end of their relationship. Her words were laced with malicious intent, meant to hurt him, but they were true nonetheless.

_You aren’t going to let me, or anyone else get close to you, really close, are you? You’re too busy being afraid._

Dex _was_ solitary, always had been.

Well, until Samwell, that is.

  
  


~

It started with Bitty. Dex hates to remember his hostile attitude on his Taddy Tour; his judgement over Bitty’s enthusiasm, his ‘swag bags’ filled with endless amounts of mini pies. 

(God, little did Dex know what a saviour those mini pies would be: helping him through intense hockey practises and all-night study sessions. How they would tide him over on the long drive back home during winter breaks.

He’s going to miss the fuck out of those mini pies.)

However, despite Bitty not being the teammate that he wanted at the beginning of his Freshman year, he was exactly what Dex needed. 

It’s through Bitty that Dex learned the value of listening to both what is being said, and what isn’t. Countless afternoons spent mixing flour, sugar and butter before leisurely moving on to squeezing fresh fruit while Bitty talked mindlessly about anything and everything. Lord knows that boy loves to _talk._ After a while, Dex begins to pay attention to his teammate’s ramblings instead of automatically tuning him out. And a little while after that, Dex learns how to _listen._

He attentively listens while Bitty explains the intricate and sometimes complicated relationship he has with his hometown and to an extent, his parents, through the delicate kneading of the dough, accompanied by the loud _thump_ that comes as a result of Bitty’s agile hands turning the mixture upside down onto the Haus’ kitchen counter. 

Dex takes notice of what indirectly Bitty is telling him, and along the way, he begins to understand through his baking. He finally understands how the careful and deliberate presentation of Bitty’s baking reflects how vulnerable the perceptions of other’s make him feel. It changes the way he holds himself, Dex realises, and silently vows to do everything in his power to ensure that Bitty never has to feel less than what he is ever again. 

Through various afternoons spent analysing ‘Moomaw’s’ recipes and over fifty different types of pies, Bitty teaches Dex a new method of communicating, one filled with warmth and a surprisingly large amount of tenderness. 

It is Bitty that lays out the foundations for the intricate and tangible bonds he will form during his time at Samwell.

~

Chowder’s next, with his big, earnest eyes and his endearing, if somewhat naive smile. Dex would never be able to explain why it was so _easy_ to become Chow’s friend, a feat that had never come easy to him before. And yet, the first time Chowder invited Dex to hang out with him and Nursey after a set of particularly gruelling drills during one of their first weeks on the team, Dex couldn’t help but admit to himself that there was a large part of him that desperately wanted to have Chowder as a friend. 

Chris was Dex’s first _real_ friend. Of course, he had friends from high school, from childhood even, that he was still tight with. But Chowder was the closest Dex had to a ‘ride or die,’ or whatever the hell it is that Shitty bangs on about when he’s talking about Jack.

With Chowder, Dex allowed himself to open up, to have fun, to let himself just _be_. A memory comes back to Dex in a rush, from when he was sixteen, lonely and confused and aching, and his Momma sat him down on their deep mahogany table. 

Years later, Dex scoffed at the memory: teen him was one angsty motherfucker. But still, his mother’s words had stayed with him.

“Let’s try and put this in a way that’s easier for you to understand, shall we?” she had said gently, her voice kind. “People are like investments. The more you put in, the more you get out. See?” 

Dex remembers nodding as if he understood. 

It’s Chowder that brings the concept alive for Dex. With his genuine smiles and insistence on ‘frog bonding,’ his never-ending patience when Dex _knows_ that he and Nursey have pushed the boundaries too far. 

Eventually, Dex realises that he _wanted_ to invest in Chowder, to be his friend. To be his _best_ friend, the person that Chowder calls at three am to help him cram down before a final or the person that will be there for him, no matter what.

Chowder makes Dex softer: helping to smooth out his rough edges until Dex is forced to look back at who he used to be. 

~

The next puzzle piece is Nursey. It’s ironic, Dex thinks, that his most difficult and exhausting relationship at Samwell would grow to be one of his most important. So much time over the last three years, so much _fucking_ time was spent engaging in the often volatile push and pull he and Nursey had implemented during their Freshman year. 

Dex knows, and he hopes that Nursey does too, that he no longer views him the way that he used too; that Dex now realises that Derek’s life wasn’t always filled with the sunshine and rainbows of Privileged Island, and that Nursey works just as hard as Will does to keep his stop on the team. 

They still fight, of course. Dex suspects they always will. 

But over the years, Dex finds himself becoming familiar with Nursey on a level that surprises him. 

He catches himself saying Derek’s coffee order alongside his own at Annie’s, with the addition of a gooey chocolate doughnut when he knows that Nurse has a paper due the next day. A packet of Advil that sits in the bottom of his draw for nights that Dex is on NurseyPatrol, and Dex always makes sure to leave a glass of water next to Nursey’s bunk. It’s evident when Dex creates a computer add on that randomises writing prompts for Nursey, after an incredibly excruciating week when his writer’s block caused him to write God awful poems about _cutlery._

( _“Aww Dexy, you made a computer program for me? Maybe you do have a heart!_

_“Computer_ add-on, _you dumbass. And only so I never have to hear about the shiny silhouette of a fucking fork ever again._ )

It goes both ways, Dex realises. He finds himself being known _by_ Nurse, which in itself is confusing and exhilarating and comforting all at once. Dex notices it in the way Nursey refrains from chirping him for watching _Sea Catch_ after a particularly arduous class of his mandatory English requirements, instead simply handing him a cold beer and a slice of BItty’s apple pie. It’s coming home to the Haus and seeing a copy of pretentious poetry sitting annotated on the kitchen bench with a large yellow Post-It with the words _read me Dexy!_ haphazardly scrawled in blue ink. Dex can barely make out the point of the poem- he’s a poli sci major, okay? Sentences and grammar are so not his thing- but along the side, in penmanship that is beginning to become so achingly familiar are words that make Dex laugh. 

_An emotionally repressed redhead with anger issues and a heart of gold? Gee, that sure does sound familiar!_

It’s the feeling Dex experiences on the ice when he doesn’t even need to look to his left to know that Nursey is there, ready and waiting to take the puck whenever Dex decides to shoot. It’s magical, and Dex doesn’t even _try_ to understand it. The feeling of trusting Nursey, first on the ice then, later on, off it, is one of complete safety and security. 

Yeah, sure, they have let each other down plenty of times: misdirected pucks and lost scores, pride and stubbornness that results in a screaming that may last for days, or weeks, or months. And yet, Dex has faith that when it comes down to it, that when he needs him the most, Nursey will be there for him. Always. 

(And, although it scares Dex to admit it, Nursey slowly teaches Dex what it’s like to be wanted in a way that is so foreign, so _clandestine_ , that he almosts bolts in the other direction out of fear.

Almost.)

  
  


~

The rest of the puzzle pieces come together, creating a kaleidoscopic mosaic of everyone who has passed through the sacred walls of the Haus. It forms a depiction the unbreakable bonds forged under the grounds of mutual respect and appreciation, portraying love in its purest form. 

It’s there throughout Jack’s rigorous practise’s and drills that leave Dex with blistering feet and high spirits; through Epic Kegsters spent losing spectacularly at beer pong to Lardo; having philosophical chats with the Chowder under the flashing lights while the good company (and tub juice) spreads warmth throughout his body; laughing at the well-intended, but still batshit insane antics of Ransom and Holster as they attempt to pick up Farmer’s volleyball teammates. It’s Shitty refusing to wear clothes and conform to society with a nonchalant bravado that Dex admires; team breakfasts where Nursey forces them all to act out lines of Shakespeare while Bitty’s pancakes fill their stomaches, blatantly ignoring Jack’s complaints of _well-balanced diets._

Then, later, there’s Ford, and Tango, and Whiskey, and even later the Waffles. The fit into the team like puzzle pieces that Dex didn’t even know he needed. Each member has taught him something different about love: what it means, it’s different forms, how to communicate it. He’s in awe of them, Dex thinks, of how much they are willing to _give_ to each other, to the team, to him. 

And now it’s his turn. To lead them, to lead _his_ team through the final steps of his journey at Samwell. 

It’s time for his turn to _give_. 

  
  
  


So, as Dex’s grip on his plaque tightens and his eyes look into the faces of his teammates, both past and present, Dex can’t find it in himself to hold it in anymore.

“Thank you. I-. To each and every one of you: thank you for being my family. I love you.”

His teammates cheer as Dex hops off the stage, and he looks around at them, smiling as their love hits him full force. His eyes search through them and eventually find Nursey, who in turn winks at him. Suddenly, Dex _knows_ that he doesn’t want to run anymore. 

He’s ready to accept fully accept love, in all its unadulterated forms. 

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell i don't like writing dialogue?
> 
> come talk/scream/yell to me on tumblr about these nerds @eyescllsed!


End file.
